Beauty in Destruction

I met with Lesley on Sunday for what was supposed to be brunch. Currently living where we are, I couldn’t for the life of me get a taxi or a Grab (the Singapore Uber), because we live too far out. Moreover, the price of a Grabcar to get me into town was $30 and I certainly wasn’t going to pay that.

After 40 minutes of trying to get transport out, I decided to walk out round the houses next to our condo, through a little grassland area, and finally through the park to a more accessible road. There, I managed to get a Grab to get me to OUE Downtown Gallery for $16. My initial plan was to Grab to the nearest station and take a train in, but I was already running late and poor Lesley was patiently waiting for me at The Providore.

Anyway, the car was about 4 minutes away from where I was, so I waited by the corner of the new housing estate I was waiting at. After a while, I checked the map and saw that the driver had turned down a perpendicular road. I thought he was perhaps dropping other passengers off first and didn’t think much of it. He continued on his way around and down into the road that led to our condo. Suddenly, he was 11 minutes away.

I texted to ask if he was on the way because it looked like he was going the wrong direction. No reply. I called. No answer. I realised he may have mistaken the road he was on as being linked to the one I was waiting at. So I texted him again that “There’s no through road from X road to Y road“. His car turned around on the map and I dreaded having to wait a further 15 minutes for him to make the big round to where I was. So I quickly told him I would meet him at Z road where I had walked from. Thankfully, he responded ‘ok‘. I quickly speed-walked back to where I had come from and we managed to finally be on our way.

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By the time I reached, it was more like lunch time. We ordered and ended up spending 4.5 hours together. Even though Lesley and I meet regularly, we’ve been hanging out more in a group setting recently. It was refreshing being able to have a good heart-to-heart talk with her. We reflected on the last year or two, and how far we have come. We recognised similarities in our same-same-but-different life events; we shared our fear of Future’s uncertainty, as well as our hopes and desires.

Florian had said to me a week or so ago about how important it is to still catch up with close friends on a one-to-one basis even if we meet up often in a group. Having alone time with them helps us to re-engage each other at a deeper level and strengthen the bond we share. It’s so true!

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I also showed Lesley a picture I took while on my morning’s ‘mini (mis)adventure’. The above and below pictures were taken at the little grassland area I mentioned earlier – the link between the older housing estate I was walking from, and the new one I was going to to get my Grab.

I noticed this splendid tree. It was tall and leaning to the side suggesting its tiredness. To my right, one of its branches has broken off, laying partly on the ground, dying. It looked destroyed, and yet, I could not help but feel in awe of it.

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In my eyes, there was beauty in its structure. It made me realise that even when devastation occurs, something beautiful can come from it. It’s all about perspective. We can look at what has been lost, and only focus on that. Or we can look at what is existing, pretending that destruction never happened. But when we really take a step back, and take in the whole picture, that’s when we can open our eyes truly, and see the real attraction.

There is perfection in imperfection.

I say this because:

On Saturday, I was invited to speak at a bereavement workshop for health care workers held at the hospital where we found out we were pregnant with our triplets, and where we lost our triplets. As my segment concluded, a nurse stood up to share of her two losses, as well as her three healthy children. She went on to speak of how resilient and strong she thought I was. I was touched and encouraged by her. But the truth is, I am weak, but He (God) is strong.

When we were first trying to pick ourselves up from our losses, I never imagined that something so devastating could turn into something beautiful. Like that tree, I feel like a part of my heart will always be broken, and yet, I realise now that even in my brokenness, there is light. Rather than wallowing in grief indefinitely, or getting on with life as if death never happened, I can use my whole and hopefully enable others to see a future that contains love and hope and peace, even after losing their child(ren). Through sharing, and having others share back, there is healing.

A heart that is broken does not need to die. We can continue to flourish and bloom, so that others who hear of our tribulations in life can find promise as they walk the path we have trod on before them. They can trust that they too, will be able to pull away from darkness. Our past moulds us into who we are now. We can choose to let it reduce us into shadows of ourselves before; or we can choose to let it build us up so that we can be a light to those who need it. I choose the latter. And I pray that God will continue to enable me as He has so faithfully being doing.

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