Memories Bring Back You.

I was listening to Maroon 5’s latest single ‘Memories‘ and some of the verses made me think of our little ones.

There’s a time that I remember, when I did not know no pain
When I believed in forever, and everything would stay the same
Now my heart feel like December when somebody say your name
‘Cause I can’t reach out to call you, but I know I will one day, yeah


There’s a time that I remember when I never felt so lost
When I felt all of the hatred was too powerful to stop (ooh, yeah)
Now my heart feel like an ember and it’s lighting up the dark
I’ll carry these torches for ya that you know I’ll never drop, yeah

I like the upbeat tempo that goes with the song because it reminds me of how there is always a more positive side of hurt and pain. Before we lost our babies, I didn’t know what pain was either. I have never lost anyone so close to me before, and it sucked that it was the three beautiful lives I had growing within me – the closest beings that were a part of me and a part of Florian, that I had to lose first. They were meant to come into this world, and leave long after we have left. Now, they wait for us in heaven.

Starting Seeking the Rainbow is my way of carrying the torch for my angels; to keep the memory of them alive while giving hope to other women who have lost. This is the least I can do for them. It is perhaps, the only thing I can do for them.

Aside from trying to build up the online magazine, I have started following @Willesdenstaff on Instagram for the Thought de jour.


I wish heaven had visiting hours… That would be so great!

Some days, I come across sharing that give me the extra boost I need to begin my day. Like this one:


And this one reminds me once more of how blessed I am to have the family that I have:


I am thankful for the family that I have and I continue to pray that it will expand further with time. I want my parents to be grandparents – they will be wonderful ones! I want my grandparents to see their great-grandchildren; my brother to be an uncle; and of course, I would love for my darling husband to be a father. Without a doubt, he will be a superb father.

Our three have come and gone, but they live forever in our hearts. I mentioned before that we have given them names. Initially we thought to save their names to be given to their siblings in their honour but over time, I said to Florian that I cannot do that. I want them to have their own special name, different for their future brothers and sisters because they are special. All of them are and will be. So… if you are interested, you can find out what our babies’ names are here.

Praying for all of you who have loved ones you have lost. Take comfort in knowing that they are all safe and well, watching over us all of the time, and patiently awaiting the day that we are reunited with them. Perhaps some of them have met our little sweethearts… wouldn’t that be cool? I pray that our angels are buzzing around in heaven putting smiles on the faces of those around them, just as they did when they were on this earth.

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