Note: This was written on 5th March and scheduled for the 15th because I know I’ll be away and I might not get much access to wifi while I’m away… So to Kor, “Happy Birthday! You’re the best brother ever and I love you always! xx”
They say that a man who makes you cry is not worth your tears. In this case, it was my brother. And in this case, he is worth my tears.
In the last year, I think I have began to think more of my loved ones and have (hopefully) become less self-centred. I worry about their happiness and I want so much for them to feel and be happy. Of course, I know that I am not in control of their emotions, nor am I in control of their situations. But it makes me happy seeing them happy, and sad when I feel they are worthy of more.
I’ve mentioned here and there about what an awesome man my brother has grown up to be. He is thoughtful, gentle, and while he doesn’t express his emotions so openly, he has a huge heart. He’s generally mild-tempered unlike me who tends to be fiery like a chilli padi. He can be stubborn. He’s very forgiving and generally doesn’t hold on to negativity very long.
I’m often surprised when I hear of siblings who haven’t spoken to each other for days on end. Months. Even years! When I ask why, I’ve had responses such as ‘Oh! We had an argument and decided not to talk to each other. Since then we just stopped. I can’t remember what the argument was about’, or ‘Because I can’t stand him/her‘. Growing up, of course Kor and I had petty squabbles. Quickly, we’d forget and find ourselves playing with each other again. Even as we grew into our teens, whenever we made the other angry, by next morning it’d be long forgotten and we’d be talking like it never happened.
As little children, we’d fight over toys but he’d always give in to his pesky little sister. All I had to do was scream. He never used physical force on me apart from once or twice although I probably deserved it. And obviously, he hardly got away with it because I would make sure the entire estate heard my wailing. Oh and I’d give him a good punch or kick back.
In a way, I feel that when I got sick, more attention was given to me and even though by that time, Kor was already studying in the UK, he could probably feel it whenever he came back for visits. Still, he never complained and was always concerned about me in his own little ways. He would try to encourage me to eat, to be strong, to get well again.
I don’t know if he started to put his life a little on hold for me, wanting me to recover and waiting for me to get settled. I know there were girls he liked, and he always had a good group of friends made up of both guys and girls surrounding him, but he never had anyone serious that he brought home. I never thought much of it because I figured he would when the time was right, or when he met the right person.
He hasn’t. Yet. But I know he will. At least, if that’s what his heart wishes for.
I wish for him to be happy, always. I don’t want him to ever feel lonely. If he is alone, and happy, I’m happy. Now, I’m settled with Flo. I’m in the most stable relationship I’ve ever been in. I’m just about getting there on the health part. And I hope that Kor too, will see that and seek that for himself because he honestly, truly deserves it. If that is his desire.
A couple days ago, we were texting and I mentioned Flo’s and my upcoming trip to New Zealand. And he suddenly mentioned that if Flo were to pop the question, to please try not to have an August wedding since he has three to attend then, two of which he will be a Groomsman at. I told him that if it were to happen, IF, then I will take note and try to make sure it won’t fall around the same time as his friends’, especially since he’ll have to fly over and it’ll be crazy tiring for him.
Then he said “You know I will drop all the other weddings to come to yours right?”.
Sigh. This brother of mine. As I said, he doesn’t express his emotions always but when he says something like that, it just touches me to the bone. I couldn’t help tearing when I shared this during a phone call later with Flo.
In 10 days’ time, it’ll be Kor’s birthday. I hope that this year will see him gifted with immense blessings and that every wish his heart desires will be fulfilled! He has truly been a wonderful brother and will continue to be. In a similar vein, I am sure that any girl will be blessed to have him because he will make an amazing partner, and perhaps one day, an incredible dad. 🙂