Food challenges are part and parcel of ED recovery, although there are other factors that may contribute to the ED and need to be dealt with concurrently.
My appointment with Dr. A last week went well and it was quite a light-hearted session. I shared with her about how I think that things are going well for me and how I feel better equipped mentally to handle food situations most of the time. I also shared with her about how reframing my negative feelings have helped me to feel more in control of my emotions, as well as my own well being.
I am becoming increasingly aware of how my body has changed over the last few months. Pictures that I used to think looked ‘chubby’ now make me cringe a little at how emaciated I actually looked, how tired, lifeless. And current pictures are sometimes a touch bit challenging to look at even though I have to admit that they look a lot healthier and I am a lot happier. Learning to accept my body is a work in progress, but so far, I’m not hating it.
One of the things Dr. A asked me during our session was how I think I’m doing on a scale of 1 to 10 with regards to recovery. I told her that I think I’m a 7. I’m handling my fear of carbs a lot better and I always try to incorporate some carbs when I make dinner for Flo and I. I’m able to consume carbs as part of my lunch meal even when dining alone – which is often the case on weekdays, and every week I try to push myself a little harder by incorporating something more into that meal.
I still find it difficult when facing a variety of food choices and usually opt for slightly safer options when at the hawker centre. For example, I go for soupier dishes and while some are much nicer in a soup form, other dishes taste better when eaten dry. Like wanton mee (wanton noodles). The other day when Flo had his wanton mee dry, I went for the soup version. Truth be told, I hadn’t had wanton mee for so long and never in my life before ED had I ordered wanton mee soup before. So yeah, the soup version was a little bland and not very exciting at all. Also, I guess I would struggle to bring myself to the hawker centre or food court if not for Flo, preferring instead to prepare something at home.
Dr. A then posed a challenge to me. Her challenge was to have a plate of dry wanton mee, and finish it all by myself before our next session. If I wanted to, I could try it alone, or I could have it with Flo.
Was I up for it? She asked.
Immediately, I could feel my brain whizz in panic – OMG! Calories. Carbs. Fat. They put lard in the noodles don’t they? All that sauce to mix into the noodles. Can I do it? Should I do it?
And then I took a deep breath and thought about all the big meals I’ve had that’s sure to put a little plate of wanton mee to shame – in particular, that Omakase meal. I decided that it was just ED instilling fear in me, when in reality, I have faced much greater food challenges before and managed to overcome them.
So Sunday lunch time, we met Amanda and Alex for lunch at Haig Road Food Centre before our Diablo 3 Marathon. I did queue up for my plate of wanton mee. For a good 15-20min. Wedged tight between two old aunties – one who liked her bum rubbing against me, and the other who liked her belly resting against my back.
I did order my plate of wanton mee – $3.
I did finish my plate of wanton mee.
I did enjoy it but after seeing and tasting a little of Flo’s wanton mee that he ordered for the other stall he’s been eager to try but has never been open every single time we went until this last Sunday… I think his plate of noodles tasted that little bit yummier. The grass is always greener on the other side it seems.
Whatever the case, I made it through the plate of noodles and am none the worse for wear because of it. Life is still going on and I don’t think I’ve gained one-ton from the won-ton. Get it get it??? Hurhur..
In other news, we had Mum and Dad over Saturday evening for dinner. Flo cooked the German Bratwurst we bought from Huber’s which turned out nice, porky, and very juicy.
Alongside, we had a bit of cheese and cold cuts, as well as the lobster I managed to get at 50% off!! I get so happy when I find good stuff on special. Of course, it was a little lobster, and getting it out of its shell was my only contribution to dinner. Still, it was done meticulously and with a whole lot of love.