I may have mentioned this not too long ago but Flo was appalled when he learnt that I had never had a Filet Mignon in my life. It’s not that I don’t eat steak, I just don’t choose to have steak very often and usually, I go for the basic Sirloin Steak, Medium Rare no less. It’s more affordable and what you don’t know, you don’t miss. So I never had to miss the Filet.

Last Thursday, as part of a mini anniversary, Flo took me out for dinner. I knew that we were going to have steak, only I didn’t know where we were going to have it. Flo had mentioned flip-flopping between two restaurants in particular and with so many steakhouses in Singapore with rave reviews, I decided not to even hasten a guess because there was a high likelihood that I’d be wrong. Even if I did guess though, I’d have guessed the usual CUT by Wolfgang Puck or the more casual Wooloomooloo Steakhouse. AAaaaaand I’d have been wrong.

Flo had booked us in for dinner at Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse which is located within the vicinity of Marina Mandarin Hotel. Obviously, it was a no-brainer which item on the menu to pick, although I very nearly went for the Tuna with Lump Crab only because the idea of crab sounded extremely enticing… just for a moment. Then I remembered the very reason we were at the Steakhouse and that at a steakhouse, you eat steak!

So a Petit Filet Mignon it was. They called it ‘petit’ but seriously, at 230g, I consider that pretty substantial! The regular sized Filet weighed in at 310g and my eyes widened (as wide as a pair of Chinese eyes can open!) when I saw them being served to the table next to us after Flo and I had eaten. They were HUGE! Granted, the four men at the table weren’t small men but still!!! It’s amazing the difference 80g can make.

Back to my piece of steak.

No wait.


Before that. Flo and I were first served some complimentary sliced Baguette, served warm and snug within a napkin blanket. Crusty on the outside and fluffy on the inside. These were happy carbs that were made even happier with a slather of butter.


We also decided to get a couple of sides. I was worried that it being a ‘American’ Steakhouse, that the portions would arrive ‘American’ sized as well. The Sautéed Mushrooms looked manageable but the Sautéed Spinach came in an exceedingly generous heap. Both were nicely cooked of course, especially the mushrooms that arrived after a hot, luxurious butter bath.

And nope I haven’t forgotten,


My pièce de résistance – 230g of perfectly pink, juicy, tender, Medium Rare Filet Mignon sizzling in butter on a hot plate!


And no, I will have to admit that I could only stomach about 2/3 of my beautiful steak before I had to wave the white flag and ask Flo to help me with it. He delightfully obliged without hesitation after he had his Petit Filet polished off.

After our mains, we were asked by the server if we would like some dessert. We were full but thought to ask for the Dessert Menu just in case we found some room for something sweet after a bit of a rest. After a bit of a wait, we assumed that the server had forgotten our request and were about to call for the bill when he arrived at the foot of our table and set a tray of five desserts down. I gaped at Flo, confused as to whether we had somehow indicated that we wanted to have all their desserts only to hear the server announce, “Here’s the Dessert Menu”. Lightbulb!

On each of the five plates were jumbo sized desserts good for 6, even 8, after a heavy meal. Each was presented whole, about 5″ in diameter. There was their signature Cheesecake, a Molten Chocolate Cake, an Apple Crumble Tart with Vanilla Ice-Cream, Bread Pudding with Whiskey Sauce, and an indulgent looking Chocolate Sin Cake. As tempting as they looked parading in front of us, Flo and I knew we wouldn’t be able to even make a dent in any one of them so we had to shake our heads with regret.

When we reached home, I couldn’t help but feel so indulgent. I couldn’t stop thinking about the amount of butter used to cook the mushrooms, the beef. The feeling wasn’t the best to have to sit with even as I tried to comfort myself that it’s ok to have a rich meal once in a  while. I guess one of the ways I try to reassure myself is that I still need to gain weight so it’s ok. But I know that this is not the right way to think in the long run because one day, I will be healthy and I won’t have to gain more weight and I will have to be able to understand that it’s ok to indulge from time to time and NOT feel guilty about it.

I’d like to think that I’m getting better at dealing with food situations and pushing myself. Then again, I also need to acknowledge that sometimes the effort I put in isn’t quite 100%. There is still fear, there is still worry, there is still hesitation. Little by little, I’m trying to shake away the negativity that ED enjoys inflicting onto me. And I hope that sooner rather than later, I will be able to shake it all off and bask in the nicer, more positive, far greater things in life than ED will ever give to me.

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