This weekend past, I was honoured to be one of my BFF’s bridesmaids. Les was formerly my boss, but is now someone who is very much like the sister I never had. She may not always be around what with her busy schedule, but she’s never failed to make time for me when I need her. Of course, I’m now blessed with Flo and I have him to lean on these days. Still, I know that whenever I need a friend, or a listening ear, or a shoulder to cry on, Les will be there.
Our Saturday morning commenced at Church of The Sacred Heart where the beautiful wedding ceremony was held. I swear the moment I saw Les in her wedding gown, I almost melted into tears! Make-up made sure I held my tears back otherwise I’d have had to walk down the aisle with smeared eyeliner.
The ceremony saw Les and Kel come together as two awesome individuals, both beautiful in their own way, and leave as man and wife. I mentioned in my speech later at the lunch reception at Skyve, that I have no doubt the love Kel has for Les.
From the very first time I met Kel, it is obvious just how much he adores her. And I have never known Les to be happier than she has been since she met Kel.
They are both perfectly complementary to each other, and I pray that as they journey through marriage life, that they will continue to look at each other with the same love and tenderness that they do now, and that they will share their joys together as they make many more wonderful memories in the years to come!
The lunch reception at Skyve was tastefully set up and after it ended around 4pm, the older relatives and friends left while the rest of us young ones continued into the ‘Huat’ hours. Think: Small bites, lots of alcohol and lots of music!
Anyone who knows me knows that I don’t touch alcohol. I might sip a bit off Flo’s from time to time but I would never down an entire glass of anything alcoholic because of a few reasons.
- I am a lightweight and I go woozy after half a glass. Sometimes less if the drink is potent.
- I am a typical Asian. I turn very red with alcohol and then this ugly vein in the middle of my forehead pops up. I’m too vain to allow for people to see that.
- Alcohol sends me to sleep in a heartbeat. A friend once laughed at me after I took a sip of alcohol, turned red and then after complaining that my eyes will swelling, fell asleep for about a half hour.
So yeah, the free flow of champagne and wines and gins were all wasted on me. Not that the rest of the crowd needed any help draining out the bottles.
The other thing about me is that I don’t like to dance. Or… I didn’t. Almost everyone who knows me (again), knows that I cannot dance for nuts and that I feel crazy awkward in any situation that calls for dancing. Even when I was in my teens and went the handful of times into a club, I just hated it and always felt so out of place on the dance floor even with my friends around.
On Saturday night, I kind of surrendered to the fact that I would probably be spending it sitting on one of the sofas and pretending to be kept occupied by my phone until it was a decent time to leave. As the sky turned darker, more people started dancing and drinking, and Flo was having fun as well especially whenever the DJ played his jam. The bridesmaids tried to get me up but after a few uncomfortable seconds, I left. A few more times they tried to get me to join in and each time, I declined.
Then at one point when Flo was seated next to me for a bit of a rest and to keep me company for a while. One of Kel’s good friends, who was possibly a little tipsy at this point, forcefully pulled us up. And it was weird because suddenly I thought to myself, ‘F*ck this! I’m just going to try to dance’. So I started letting loose and dancing. Like actually dancing and moving to the beat (as best I could) and waving my hands in the air and not giving two hoots if I looked silly. Flo was with me the whole time and we danced together which turned out to be a whole load of fun.
It was liberating for me and although Flo kept telling me that my dancing was great, and even said thanks to me for letting go and having fun, I don’t think I would have had the courage to do it if he wasn’t there with me. It felt like a breakthrough for me and I managed to dance an hour or so until I felt all the energy drain out of me. Then I had to rest until right at the end, I got back up to dance the last few songs with Flo.
I can’t put into words quite how dancing made me feel. I mean, it was just ‘club’ dancing so I guess it was like a mesh of bobbing and swaying and jumping around. Once in a while I’d overthink and wonder what I should do with my legs, or my arms, but then I’d blank those thoughts out and let my body move. It sounds like a really tiny thing since most people love dancing but to me, it was a huge leap in once again realising that I have it in my to push against some of the fears that have walled me in. And with Flo, I am that much stronger!
Sunday, the day of the Wedding dinner, was a little tough on both Flo and I though. We started off the morning with breakfast. Flo felt I hadn’t had enough but I thought otherwise. But a short while later, I decided that I still wanted food – mainly sweet stuff so I had myself a bit of a second breakfast. I figured that this was in part because I didn’t eat sufficiently on Saturday since there wasn’t much of a dinner.
After a quick round of grocery shopping, I came home along with a couple of tarts and some buns from the local bakery.
Flo and I shared the egg tart first even though it was almost time for lunch. And while lunch was cooking I started on the buns. Initially I thought I’d just taste them, then I ended up finishing a whole one and a half! Of course I felt awful about it but decided that I would’t feel bad – Easier said than done unfortunately.
I managed to have lunch, after which we did share the second tart – a Salted Egg Lava Cheese Tart that we have been trying to get our hands on but is sold out every evening.
It was good although by this time my body had had quite enough and my stomach decided it would make me feel discomfort for all that I’d stuffed into it. The urge to throw up was definitely there and the ongoing ache hardly served to make me feel any better.
Flo had to put up with my miserable face and whining the whole afternoon. He tried to soothe me, comfort me, and encourage me. He was also adamant that there was to be no purging activity regardless of how much better I thought it’d make me feel physically. We watched a few episodes of The B*itch in Apt 23 on Netflix before we finally had to start getting ready for the dinner.
A huge part of me didn’t want to lug myself all the way there and then put up with the multi-course dinner. Having eaten all that extra food, I guess all my mind wanted to do was compensate for the guilt and not eat too much or at all. But we did go.
With the Super Beautiful Bride!
Hell yeah we did! What kind of sh*tty friend would I be if I didn’t?!
In the end, I downed a lighter snack before leaving home, and managed to have most of the courses at dinner.
The food was really good and thankfully, portioned nicely.
Appetiser of Jellyfish; Suckling Roast Pig, Roast Duck, Springroll; Prawn Salad.
I appreciated for sure that most of the dishes were steamed or poached,
Super Fresh Poached Prawns
Always Space for Veggies!
and that the main proteins were seafood.
Traditional Chinese Dessert – Sweet boiled ‘soup’ with Lily Bulbs, Red Dates, Lotus Seeds, White Fungus and Dried Longan.
The chicken I didn’t quite have so much of and gave up on the noodles and most of the Chinese dessert although, I did have some of the wedding cake!
Chocolate Caramel; Vanilla Lemon
The Chocolate Caramel one was yum especially with some buttercream. Vanilla and Lemon were nicely balanced but I guess I’m more of a chocolate kind of girl.
I did manage a light snack before bed. Of course, ED didn’t miss a beat it berating me for such greed having had both my afternoon and evening snack even after all those carbs and sweets in the morning.
This week, for the first time in months and months and months, I gained weight. Flo weighed me Monday morning and was delighted. Of course, his hope is that I keep this progress up. A part of me felt terror, but on the whole, I was prepared for the weight gain with all the pockets of indulgences I’ve been having the last week. I know that things will start to stabilise as I continue to nourish my body.
Some days, I feel like giving up. In fact, on Sunday just before getting ready for Les’s dinner, I burst into tears and told Flo that I wanted to give up. Thankfully, there are also days where I think to myself that my fears are ridiculous and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being teased by Death. It’s ok to let go and dance. It’s ok too, to let go and get healthy; to let go and live; to let go and be alive.
As Flo always reminds me, two of us are better than one. He’s right. And these last few months have only served to show me that with him, I am stronger even at my weakest.