I Get By With A Little Help.

This week has been a week of getting help and support especially from Mum and Dad. I mentioned earlier in the week that I had called Mum after a binge/purge session in desperation, requesting for her to try and spend a few days with me until I can stabilise my eating and not fall into yet another destructive cycle. So the last few days, Mum and Dad have been nothing but my rocks during the day.

Tuesday morning, Mum and Dad came flying to me after breakfast. They spent a couple hours with me while I baked and then we went for lunch – dim sum! I’ve been hankering after dim sum for ages and anyone who knows me knows that I love dim sum! And seafood. But I have seafood often enough so myeah…

We went to one of the malls a few minutes’ drive away and dined at Canton Paradise. My favourite place for dim sum is still this restaurant called Imperial Treasure but most of their outlets are located in town. Canton Paradise is one of our usual go-tos because the food is above average and prices are reasonable.

I ordered my favourite Har Kow (Prawn Dumpling) and Mum made sure to order Char Siew Sou (Baked BBQ Pork Pastry) since she knows I usually secretly enjoy that.

It also makes me feel so guilty every time after eating it just because the pastry’s so buttery and flakey, and the filling saucy and sweet.

Dad wanted the Wu Kok (Yam Croquettes with Pork Filling) – another item I tend to stay away from, but yes I did have one of these and yes I have to admit it was really well done although it might be what made my tummy a bit queasy after having not had deep-fried foods for ages!

We also shared a portion of Pork Dumplings in a Spicy Chilli Vinaigrette as well as a bowl of Century Egg and Sliced Pork Congee. The former were nice and meaty, pairing well with the sharp, acidity of the vinaigrette that helped cut the heaviness from the pork.

The Congee as usual was comfort food. Funny how I used to find century egg gross and difficult to eat but now that I’m older, perhaps my tastebuds have changed, I actually quite enjoy it. Not in excess though or it gets a bit much.

It was a happy meal and although I was partly craving some good ol’ steamed baos, what we ordered was enough. Dad asked if I wanted to order anything more after we were done polishing off our food and while I considered getting them fluffy buns, I decided that I had had enough and could wait for our next dim sum date to get them. In that sense, I’m quite proud of myself for taking the time to think about my stomach and whether I was full or still hungry.

Dinner was another enjoyable one that I prepared for Flo and myself. It was simple but OMG! Since having some complimentary breakfasts in the Philippines that included sunny-side ups, my love for runny, golden yolks returned.

I excitedly prepared us Smashed Avocado on Toast with a Sunny-Side Up, and a side of Fresh Salad with Walnuts, Cherry Tomatoes, Feta Cheese and Grilled Mushrooms. It might not sound like much but for me, it was a step forward with a whole slice of toast for someone carbs-adverse, and the smashed avocado was also a fear conquered (think: fats, even if healthy).

Yesterday, Mum and Dad spent some time with me after work at Professor Brawn, and today, they also spent a few hours with me just to make sure I’m ok. I truly appreciate their presence and I know that while I do entertain thoughts of bingeing, it helps that they’re around to divert my attention elsewhere. Obviously, they cannot be around for me every day forever, so it’s good that their time keeping me company is shortening and hopefully by next week I will be good on my own once more.

Flo as well has been a wonderful pillar of support. Some mornings I wake up and I tell him that I don’t feel strong enough to fight ED in the day ahead. And every time he will remind me of why I need to get healthy, that I am able to do this, and that he will be home to cuddle me and comfort me if need be as soon as work is over.

Just on Monday night after the wedding rehearsal and briefing for Les’s wedding, I came home to this perfect rose because Flo knew that I had had a tough day. Flo has never let me down in his promises, but I have time and again with endless promises to gain weight. So this time, I have to persevere and remember the verse that Dad shared with me on Tuesday:

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.” – Deuteronomy 31:6

Just as God promised Joshua and the Israelites that He would be with them as they entered the Promise Land; that He would not abandon them in their fear as they faced the giants said to dwell in Canaan; that He would deliver on all His promises that everything will unfold as they should, God too will not leave or forsake me in my fears and struggles ahead. I know that He has promised me a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11), and it is there for me to claim as long as I want to.

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