Monday night was a bit rough for me and Flo post-dinner with Mum and Dad. It was really good seeing them and seeing Dad looking happy and chatty. It warmed my heart knowing that perhaps me being out of the house is enabling him to relax and worry less. I was all the more delighted to hear that they will both be going on a Baltic Cruise come summer with Grandma, Grandpa and another couple. I’ve been wanting so much for Mum and Dad to travel together now that Dad is retired, and Dad’s reluctance always meant that Mum wasn’t able to see as much of the world as I know she’d have liked.

Also, they have plans to then visit Halifax which will be awesome seeing that Dad hasn’t been back to Canada for 30 over years now! I’m sure a lot has changed and it’ll be wonderful for them both to be able to catch up with Dad’s friends from Uni days. On top of that, it also means fresh seafood galore for them which I’m rather envious about. I’ll probably be guilty of licking my phone at the photos I anticipate Mum will be sending me while they’re there. One day I’ll go visit with Flo!

As I was saying, Monday evening I just started feeling down and as usual, with feelings of negativity come feelings of fatness for me. I don’t know if it was because of hormones (time of the month), the ED, or the stress of all the changes that have been going on, or a combination of all of them, but I was quite irritable and teary.

Flo and I got into a bit of a misunderstanding that we didn’t resolve until earlier today partly because I didn’t feel like talking. All I wanted to do was close myself off and be far far away. I always say that I want to be far away but that far away is never a place that exists in reality.. It’s simply the desire to want to be away from everything.

I questioned whether I really wanted to recover, whether I had shifted myself from being a burden to my parents, to being one to Flo, and whether it would be easier for everyone if I slowly disappeared *poof* so quietly that no one would even notice. Of course, that would only happen in my imagination.

And suddenly, all I wanted to do was to be back with Mum and Dad, in the familiar comforts of my own home, my own bed, my own routines and schedules, my own safe foods. Essentially, the fear of moving forward made me want to move backwards.

I managed to go for a swim yesterday morning which helped clear my mind and relax my body. I feel better although I cannot say that I feel stronger mentally to fight the fight. For now, I don’t really want to think too much or too far ahead into the future.

Speaking of future, I was quite tickled by myself yesterday when I popped down to Cold Storage to pick up some last minute additions to Flo’s and my dinner tonight.

We decided we were going to recreate the Gorilla Bowl that I had at Elephant Restaurant in Ubud Bali. I couldn’t get hold of cooked beetroots or baba ghanoush though so we had to forgo them.

What I did see though, was fresh prawns at half price! I decided to buy a packet home and quickly freeze them in smaller packets so I can always have them for lunch or cook them for our dinner.

Also, I had to get some fresh salad greens for our Gorilla Bowl and whaddya know? I found myself a packet of salad veggies on sale as well! I felt very proud of myself. In fact, I think Cold Storage, while generally more expensive compared to the other supermarkets, is quite good whenever they slash their prices. Other supermarkets tend not to let go of their produce at reduced prices, not as often anyway.

Interestingly, I actually found myself feeling quite excited about my new toy – a scourer for the shower. I used a sponge pad in the morning and while it did the job of cleaning our shower – which by the way is already rather clean!, I wanted a scourer to really get at the more stubborn parts. Oh the satisfaction of seeing the greys between tiles turn white again.

Which is why I suddenly feel myself morphing into a bit of an aunty. In Singapore, to be an aunty is to be like one of those older women who hanker after discounts especially when groceries shopping, looks for the best deals possible at all times, and who pees a little in her panties at the thought and sight of a sale. For those unfamiliar with what an ‘aunty’ is in the Singaporean context, here‘s something that will give you a clearer idea of her awesome qualities. Of course, it’s a little tongue in cheek so don’t take it too literally. That being said, I hope that while I take on some ‘aunty’ characteristics, I’d like to think that I will avoid picking up on her more negative traits.

Oh! And this morning, I woke up thinking back to last night when I found our sink lacking in sparkle for my liking considering I cleaned it yesterday afternoon. So first thing I did was ‘Cif’ it and gave it a nice scrub so now it’s up to standard. I think it’s because I used a different cleaning agent that might not have been as tough on stains.

Today it was back to the grind for me at Professor Brawn followed by a wait at home for our new mattress to arrive as the old one was a little soft and was giving Flo a bad back. The men came a little later that expected so I got round to packing Ginger Cookies for Chinese New Year orders.

Our new mattress arrived about an hour after its expected time but I guess that’s to be expected. Anyway, when I asked the men if they could take the old mattress away for us since he asked what I wanted to do with it, they said we had to pay extra for that service. I was a little dumbfounded so decided against it and told them to help move it into the second room so that Flo can decide what to do with it.

Gingey and Teddy say HI!!!

Our bed is now dressed and I’m excited to jump into it later tonight. Can’t believe that a new bed has got me excited. That, and fresh washed and dried towels… And a sparkly basin…

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